Learning to Listen
Our readings today make it clear to us that following Jesus is not easy. The path of discipleship that we follow is not the path that goes along to get along, it is not the path that turns a blind eye to suffering or remains silent in the face of injustice when it would be easier to do so. That was true for Jesus’ disciples, it’s what he is warning them about in our gospel reading, and it is true for us today. If we are to remain faithful to Jesus’ command to love God and love our neighbor, we may find ourselves opposed to any number of things happening around us, and maybe even in the very uncomfortable place of speaking truth to power, or the just as uncomfortable place of listening to things that are hard to hear. This week we observed a remembrance of Dr. King, someone who is rightly lifted up as an example of one who spoke hard truths, such as those he shared in this prayer:
“Dearest Jesus, come and sit with us today. Show us the lies that are still embedded in the soul of America’s consciousness. Unmask the untruths we have made our best friends. For they seek our destruction. And we are being destroyed, Lord. Reveal the ways the lies have distorted and destroyed our relationships. They break your shalom . . . daily. Jesus, give us courage to embrace the truth about ourselves and you and our world. Truth: We are all made in your image. Truth: You are God; we are not. You are God; money is not. You are God; jails, bombs and bullets are not.
“And Jesus, give us faith to believe: Redemption of people, relationships, communities and whole nations is possible! Give us faith enough to renounce the lies and tear down the walls that separate us with our hands, with our feet, and with our votes!”
Listening to these words can be hard, and I hope this can serve to remind us that the call to listen deeply to one another is the equal but often overlooked responsibility we share as Christians. Because, it is not only true that Christians have throughout history often found ourselves at odds with those in authority, and at other times guilty of abusing authority, but it is also the case that Christians have been arguing with one another about the right way to follow Jesus since the early days of Jesus’ ministry. In part, I blame that on Jesus’ prediction of persecution; he wasn’t wrong to predict it, of course, he knew a little something about persecution. But I think we can be wrong in over-identifying it and using this as confirmation that we are right. Disagreement is not persecution, being asked to listen to a different interpretation is not persecution, co-existing with a different worldview is not persecution, a different set of priorities or a different way of reaching an outcome, not persecution. That’s not to say that persecution doesn’t exist, and I’m not saying that those who are truly being persecuted should take more time to listen to those who abuse them, I imagine they’ve done more than their share of listening. But, I fear that all of Jesus’ statements about being hated for speaking up for the gospel have set us up to measure the righteousness of our arguments by the amount of opposition to them. We proclaim that this is what God calls us to do and see all of the people lined up in opposition to us as an indication that God is on our side. Except, those people on the other side, they’re convinced of the same thing. Churches split over this, countries wage war within themselves and against each other over this. And Jesus weeps.
At this point, I may be able to guess what you’re thinking, if it is anything like what I think whenever I am challenged to listen more. I think, “Now, hold on a minute, I’m right; I know I’m right.” I’ve read scripture and I know what it tells me to do, I know I’m right. So did St. Paul. He knew he was right when he was executing Christians, and he knew he was right when he was put in jail with them. Clearly, belief in how right we are is not enough to confirm we are doing God’s will. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve been convinced I was right about something, only to realize later that I was not. I don’t think I’m the only one that happens to. That fact alone should encourage us to listen more than we speak, to bring humility and patience to our disagreements with one another, not self-righteousness and hardened hearts.
At work, whenever I’m counseling a couple who are stuck in a pattern of escalation, having the same argument again and again, I always encourage them to pay attention to the times they find themselves getting louder and louder only to say the same thing. We all do this, when we don’t feel heard or understood, we keep repeating ourselves, we might try to be clever by finding different words to say the same thing, but we eventually revert to just getting louder. So, when they find themselves getting louder, I ask them to stop and listen to their partner instead. Because somebody has to. Somebody has to be the first one to stop and listen. It is a brave, and humble thing to do, to be the first one to stop trying to make an argument and try instead to listen; sometimes it’s even contagious. Stopping to listen more does not ever guarantee agreement, though it can bring understanding. Maybe, in the world out there, even ceasefire. But the blessing of it, the holy outcome of it, can be so much more than understanding.
We can come to recognize one another as part of the body of Christ. It is hard to demonize someone, to dehumanize and degrade them, when we are listening deeply in order to understand them. It is hard to ignore another person’s beloved-ness when we understand better what they are afraid of, what they are fighting to protect. This is what we are called to do, this is how we love our neighbor. Jesus never sent any of the disciples out on their own, we were never meant to figure this out by ourselves, never meant to build the Kingdom of God without one another. As long as this is true, we really do need to listen to one another at least as much as we speak up for what we believe is right. We need to remember that neither the ultimate judgement of what is right, nor the convincing of one another, is up to us. It’s never been up to us, that part is up to God. We are not God. And trust in God’s grace, belief that all we can do is the next right thing that God calls us to, allowing God to sort out the rest, that’s the part we forget, when we convince ourselves all those people lined up to oppose us must mean God’s on our side. It was, after all, a divine act of intervention that led St. Paul to change his mind. Maybe when we stop trying to change one another’s mind, and focus instead on listening to one another, understanding one another, seeing in each other God’s beloved, we can then let the Holy Spirit do the work of persuading. To me, this is the most powerful part of Dr. King’s prayer: “Jesus, give us faith to believe: Redemption of people, relationships, communities and whole nations is possible!” Amen.